


Hate You

by Self_Indulgent_TMNT



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Angst, Arguments, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love/Hate, Making Out, Reader-Insert, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-05 08:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16364090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Self_Indulgent_TMNT/pseuds/Self_Indulgent_TMNT
Summary: You and Raph hate each other, like you really hate each other. If you're ever in the same space an argument is sure to follow. The others just don't understand, they think you would get on so well if you just stopped yelling long enough to actually get to know each other. You know that's impossible.You insist he's your least favourite person in the world, even as it becomes clear to you that's not the case at all.Reader is female.





	1. The Bit When You Hate Each Other

“Eugh, god I hate you” you muttered under your breath.  
Raph glared at you. “What was that, sweetheart?”, the pet name hissed out of his lips like poison.  
“Nothing, Raphael, just noting to myself how much I love it when you’re thick-headed and stubborn.  
“Well no one’s making you stick around, y’know. You’re the one rocking up every day and making yourself nice and at home”  
“Yeah, ‘cause most of the time I’m invited by your brothers, who I actually like” you spat back.  
“God knows why they want you here, you’re nothing but a nuisance in my book. A fly that needs swatting, always buzzing around my ears”  
“Swat her and you’re answering to me” Leo warned, voice about as dangerous as it could get.  
“I’d be doing you a favour” he muttered.  
“I’m serious, Raph. Touch her and you’re dead”  
Raph looked you up and down. “Probably for the best, wouldn’t wanna touch her, might catch something”  
Your retort was still forming on your tongue when Leo sank down onto the sofa beside you, handing over a can and flipping open a box with a few slices of cold pizza in it. “Ignore him, he’s not worth the wasted breath” the leader warned, throwing a meaningful look your way. You took a sip of the drink, holding your free hand up in fake surrender. Raphael went back to lifting weights in the corner, the two of you exchanging evil eyes until he gave up and stormed out.  
“What the hell is it with you two?” Leo asked once Raph was out of ear shot. You looked incredulous.  
“You mean you don’t hate everything about him?”  
“He’s not my favourite person, but no. He’s loyal and passionate and he’s committed to his family”  
“You mean he’s stubborn, hot-headed and hostile towards outsiders”  
“If you just got to know him better-“  
“Then I’d have to spend time around him, and if I did that one of us would probably kill the other”  
Leo sighed. “I give up, you’re impossible. Both of you. But just so you know, I think the two of you would get along really well if you just allowed yourselves”  
“Ha, you’re funny Leo”, your voice suggested quite the opposite as you grabbed the last slice of pizza. “I love you, I love Mikey and Donnie, I’m even immensely fond of Splinter, but I will never even mildly like Raphael”

 

 

“God, you’re here again” Raphael’s voice grumbled behind you. You sighed, closing the fridge. He grabbed the door out of your hand and opened it again, towering over you to grab himself something to drink.  
“Oh my god you smell disgusting, where have you even been? Swimming in the sewer? You know that’s not just water right?”  
You put on a fake cough as he crowded you, making retching noises until he stepped away.  
“Ever stop to think maybe you’re the source of the smell? You do know how to bathe don’t you? You make me nauseous even being near you, and that coming from a guy who grew up in a sewer”  
“That smell is soap, maybe you should look into it” you shot back. “I could give you some, I’m sure it would count as charity work”  
“I’d rather not wash with something you’d handled. I like not dying from disease, if it’s all the same to you”  
“You’re more likely to catch something from that pit you call a room, I can smell it every time you open the door”  
“I can smell your stench every you open your mouth”  
“It’s not the sewer that smells, I bet it’s just you stinking out the whole city”  
“I can smell you coming every time you even come near this place”  
You glared at each for a moment before he slammed the fridge door and marched off. A guttural growl escaped you. “I hate you so much!” you yelled after him.  
“Right back at ya”

 

Mikey had been sat at the table for the entire conversation, patiently waiting to continue the board game you’d been playing. He just blinked at you when you sat back down.  
“What?”  
“Nothing, it’s nothing, I swear”  
“Damn right it’s nothing”, you growled, picking up the dice.  
“It’s just that-”  
Your head snapped up. “What?”  
“Well for a moment there I would’ve put money on the two of you kissing”  
If you’d had a drink in your mouth you would’ve spat it right out again. “Are you insane? Kiss Raph?”, you shuddered at the thought. “The only reason I’d do that is if I was wearing poison lipstick”  
Mikey just smirked.  
You glared back.

 

 

“Hey Don, could you take a look at – oh, of course she’s here!”  
You glanced up from your phone when you heard Raph’s outcry.  
“Yeah, I invited her over for the evening. We’re gonna play some video games in a bit, I just hadn’t quite finished here. You could join us if you wanted”  
“No, I couldn’t”  
“No, he couldn’t”  
Donnie looked at the two of you. “Oh, come on, you can’t actually hate each other as much as you put on”  
You and Raph shared a look.  
“You’re right, we don’t” Raph said.  
“We hate each other so much more than that”  
Your eyes connected with Raph’s once more, glaring intently. Donnie sighed. “At least you agree on something. What did you want Raph?”  
“It’s fine, I’ll ask you later when you’re not so busy with little miss cuckoo here”  
Donnie looked confused. “Cuckoo?”  
“Cuckoos lay their eggs in other birds’ nests and they push the actual babies out. Raph thinks I’m trying to brainwash you all”  
“Well you practically live here. You’re either that or a freeloader”  
“I’ll remind you of that next time I order pizza for you all out of the kindness of my heart”  
“I don’t want anything to do with food you payed for, might be poisoned”  
“Poison’s more than you deserve”  
“Woah, ok, calm down guys. No one’s poisoning anyone”  
Raph just muttered something under his breath and walked out.  
“Are you two for real?”  
“He just knows how to push all my buttons!”  
“Did something happen between you? Something that made you like this. You can’t just indiscriminately hate each other that much, there has to be a trigger”  
“What? No! He’s just the worst person I’ve ever met”  
Your response was swift and certain, maybe slightly too much.

 

You saw yourself in Raphael, you always had. It was like looking in a mirror, your insecurities, fears and rage all reflected perfectly in his eyes, in his words, in the way he held his shoulders. Guarded. You saw yourself in the others, too. Leo was responsibility and the weight of the world, Donnie was always struggling to be understood, Mikey was always struggling to do the understanding. Everyone could see a part of themselves in each turtle, you thought. But it was only Raph you couldn’t get close to, because what you recognised in him was the things you hated about yourself. If you got too close you worried it might break you.  
Maybe you did hate him, that was always possible. After all, he was an insufferable ass of a person. But maybe it was you the hate was meant for, maybe screaming at Raphael meant you could externalise the anger that was meant to be directed within.  
Maybe.  
Or maybe you should have just gone to sleep rather than trying to analyse your feelings.  
Maybe.


	2. The Bit When You're Not Sure Anymore

“Why are you like this?!”  
“Like what?!” he screamed back at you.  
“Just… All of this!”, you gestured to his entire body.  
“It’s just how I am, sweetheart, you gotta learn to deal with that”  
“Don’t call me sweetheart”  
“Whatever you say, sweetheart”  
A noise escaped you, somewhere between a growl and a whine. His eyes burned into yours, neither willing to backdown. You reached out and shoved against his chest, trying to regain your personal space, but you stood no chance of moving his bulk. A low rumble sounded in his chest, a hand reached up and tangled in your hair, yanking your head back as lips engulfed your own.  
If you’d wanted him to stop he would have, you knew that, and the burning anger you held inside could certainly have made you want that. It didn’t. Instead you bit down on his lower lip and let him guide you up against the wall, gasping when his thigh found its way between your legs. Your nails scraped across his shoulders, leaving angry marks. You moaned into him, he growled back, and eventually you pulled apart, red-faced and panting. You stared at each other for a moment, then you threw your hands into the air with a pent-up breath and turned away.  
“I hate you so much” he called after you.  
“You’re the actual worst” you called back.

 

 

“What the hell are you doin’?” Raph’s voice sounded from across the room.  
You didn’t look up from the television, where Donnie was beating you into the dirt in Mario Kart.  
“Is there anything you’re not shit at?”, his voice was closer now.  
“Could you maybe just piss off?” you threw back, fighting the urge to throw the controller as Donnie won. Again.  
“I would, but you’re letting Donnie get it into his head that he’s actually good at this”  
“Oi, I am good at it!” Donnie protested.  
Raph sighed and flopped onto the sofa arm beside you, not quite touching. “Just do as I say and you’ll take him down a peg or two”  
“No one asked you, Raph” you said.  
“Shut up and drive the car”  
He yelled a series of buttons to you, you were embarrassed to admit you’d actually started doing what he said about a quarter of the way around. You were furious when you crossed the finish line first.  
“Well at least you’re good at doing what you’re told”  
“I wasn’t even listening to you!”  
“Sure, whatever you say, princess. I’d like to see you beat him again without my help”  
“If anything, you’re a hinderance, your mere presence puts me off”  
“A sane person would say thank you”  
“Bite me”  
“If you insist”  
Your eyes snapped up to meet his, anger radiating from every part of your being. Raph smirked down at you before standing up and sauntering away. The image of his teeth sinking into your shoulder wouldn’t leave you alone the rest of the evening.

He was waiting when you left the lair, leaning against the wall of the tunnel you always took with that stupid smirk on his face. There were no words exchanged when you saw him, mostly because within seconds your mouths were far too busy trying to gain dominance over each other. You grabbed the edge of Raph’s shell and used it to slam his body into yours, dragging the two of you back against the wall. You bit down on his lower lip and then sucked, drawing it out a little and feeling the shivers it caused all over his body. When you let go he groaned and latched his mouth onto your neck, sucking at the skin there until you knew there would be marks, then sinking his teeth onto the same spot, pinning your arms against the wall with just one hand as you whimpered from the combination of pain and pleasure.  
His lips moved to your ear as you dragged your nails across his shell, forcing your name from his lips at the vibrations it sent through him. You smiled at the sound of it and tried not to think about exactly who it was that was saying your name like that.  
One of his hands roamed your waist until it found the hem of your shirt, sliding underneath and exploring the bare skin beneath. His nails scratched at your flesh, leaving angry red trails in their wake, leading all the way up to the base of your bra. Only when his fingers started to try and find their way inside did you come to your senses, jerking away, rage replacing lust in your eyes. He looked confused, possibly disappointed, and then finally he looked angry too.  
“This never happened”  
He breathed out through his nose, face beginning to turn the same colour as his mask.  
“What never happened?”  
You walked away, leaving him stood alone, watching after you. Neither knew what to think.

 

You and Raph stayed a significant distance from each other after that. No one seemed particularly suspicious, you’d always done your best to avoid each other in the past and so the only people who noticed a difference was the two of you. There was less bickering and more deliberately avoiding gazes. If anything, the others thought things had improved between their brother and their friend.  
They didn’t hesitate to invite you to their collective birthday, well, mutation day. Maybe you made a mistake bringing alcohol, but it was their birthday! True, you didn’t know how it would react in their systems but you’d thought it was probably safe. The fact that you got more drunk than any of them was besides the point. You crashed on the sofa, not entirely aware of doing so but not beyond all cognitive thought. The others left to their own rooms, leaving the clean up for tomorrow. At least, you thought they’d all gone to their rooms. You were supposed to be asleep, you weren’t supposed to notice the blanket that was being draped over you. It definitely wasn’t intended that you’d open your eyes and see whoever was in the middle of tucking a blanket around you.  
Your eyes met Raph’s. Mind full of alcohol you couldn’t think to feel awkward, couldn’t bother coming up with a snappy insult, you just looked at him. He looked back, startled by your open eyes, and looked suitably embarrassed.  
“Didn’t want ya to get cold, gotta be freezing with that ice-cold heart of yours”  
The remark wasn’t angry or vicious, there was almost affection lacing the words.

 

You woke up to the television playing quietly, Mikey sat on the floor in front of it, and Leo snapping at him to help him clean up. There was a bottle of water by your head and a smell of cooking in the air. Painfully aware of the sandpaper your tongue had become, you grabbed at the bottle, downing half of it and pleasantly surprised to find no immediate signs of a hangover. You tried very hard not to notice Raph putting a game away in the corner, or how he paused when you woke up. You tried even harder not to remember the blanket last night and not to make the connection between that and the bottle of water. Despite all these attempts, you failed, and ended up meeting his eyes for a moment. You blinked, and he seemed to understand the silent thanks you didn’t want to say.  
God you hated him.  
Yeah, right.

You ate breakfast with the turtles, helping with the last of the clean up and then never quite managing to get around to leaving. You said nothing to Raph and he said nothing to you. It wasn’t intentional that you were left alone with him, at least it wasn’t your intent, it’s quite possible the others conspired to leave you with their brother. He was playing Mario Kart, the game he had so fully proved you were terrible at the other day. You couldn’t fight the temptation to rub it in his face when he fell off the track.  
“Oh yeah, you really are great at this, I can see that now”  
He growled. “I helped you beat Donnie, didn’t I?”  
“No, you yelled while I beat Donnie on my own. What are you doing?”  
The menu had popped up on screen and he was quitting the race, changing it to two-player. “Prove it then”, he chucked a controller at you. You barely caught it and then stood for a moment, trying to work out what was happening. He stared at you. “You hit buttons on it and they control the little picture of a car on the screen”  
“I know what it does!” you snapped, throwing yourself angrily onto the sofa, as far from him as you could get. There was no verbal response, but you could practically hear the smirk.  
You played, and lost, a couple of races against Raph, your anger growing by the second. You were practically vibrating, on the verge of throwing your controller.  
“Woah there, calm down drama queen” he said, huge grin plastered across his face. That just pissed you off even more.  
“I’m perfectly calm” you replied through gritted teeth.  
“Course you are. Brake, now”  
You ignored him. And fell off the track.  
“Told you, you should have braked”  
“Shut up”  
Raph shuffled a bit closer to you. The next time he gave you an instruction you, you followed it. Although you pretended you hadn’t. Not that it helped, you still lost the race. Although it was, admittedly, closer than any of your previous attempts had been. He celebrated as obnoxiously as he always had. You scowled.  
Raph put the controller down.  
“I clearly know what I’m doing. Will you just listen to me, ok? I’m trying to help you”  
“Why?” you huffed.  
“Because ever since playing you, Donnie seems to think he’s the shit or something. I gotta get that thought out of his head. So listen to me, ok?”  
The aggression in his voice, usually so evident, was only barely audible. And the funny thing was, there didn’t seem to be the usual snap in your retorts either. Almost like, for the first time ever, you weren’t actively angry at each other.  
Impossible, of course, because you hated each other.  
When you finally beat him in a race, you cheered loudly. He cheered, too. You grinned at each other for a moment, until you realised what you were doing and set your faces into different expressions.  
“See, all you needed was being entirely guided by me and you can win one race in 20”  
“I never even listened to you”  
“Stop lying to yourself, you’re so stubborn”  
You sighed. “God you’re just the worst”  
You grabbed your belongings and made a swift exit from the lair.

“She’s gone” Leo declared from the kitchen, peering out through a crack in the door.  
“Without saying goodbye? What happened?” Donnie asked.  
“I’m not sure. They seemed to be getting on well, then suddenly they’re glaring at each other and now she’s gone”  
“Why can’t they just kiss already!” Mikey lamented.  
“They’re playing a game, and it would hurt both of their prides to stop” Leo said.  
“Well they better sort it all out soon, or I think I’ll go mad watching them” Donnie added.

 

Knocks on your door late at night are always suspicious, knocks on your window even more so. So, when you were woken by the sound of tapping on your bedroom window a thousand thoughts ran through your head, before you eventually landed on the fairly safe assumption it was one of the turtles. You blinked sleep off and staggered towards the window, dragging the curtain back.  
Your assumption was correct, it was a turtle. However, you had not entertained the possibility of it being this particular turtle.  
Raph at least had the good grace to look subdued when you flung the window open.  
“What are you doing here? I was asleep” you snapped, putting heavy emphasis on the ‘you’ part.  
“I know, I know ya were, and I’m sorry, but-”, he seemed unable to finish the sentence, swaying a little on his feet and staring anywhere but at you. Only then did you notice how heavily he was leaning against the window frame, and the various bloodied cuts on his arms. And the swollen eye. And the bust lip.  
“Shit, Raph, what happened to you?”, all anger, pretend or otherwise, flew out of your mind as you put your arm through the window to help him in.  
“Nothin’, I just went out by myself. Guess I bit off more than I could chew”  
In the light of your bedroom you could see a multitude of wounds over his entire body, most were minor but a couple looked like they had to hurt a hell of a lot more than he was getting on.  
“Fuck” you murmured.  
“It’s not that bad, it’s just…”, he seemed unwilling to finish the sentiment. “Look, the others don’t know how often I go out by myself and they don’t like that I do it at all and, well… I don’t want them to see me lime this, and you were the only person I thought I could go to and-”  
“Get to the point”  
“Will you help me. I can’t go home like this”  
You realised that the person standing in front of you was the real Raph, the person underneath the bravado and hostility. There was no thought process behind your nod, it was an instinctive reaction to someone needing you.  
“Yeah, ok. The bathroom’s though there, I’ll go get ice packs and stuff”  
His thanks wasn’t audibly expressed, but the relief in his body language said it all.  
You came through to the bathroom with ice, painkillers, everything cold enough to be useful. He was leaning over the sink, washing some of the blood of his arms.  
“Sit” you commanded. He did as he was told, perching on the edge of the toilet. “Take these”, you handed him some pills and a bottle of water. You taped the ice packs to the huge bruises on his legs and arms, then took up a face cloth and ran some cold water. The room was in tense silence for a while as you carefully wiped the blood from his face, apart from his occasional hiss and your apology when you hurt him.  
“I can do it, it’s alright” Raph protested.  
“You could, but I’ve got a better angle. So just let me do it. I’m nearly done anyway”  
He fell back into silence until you’d finished cleaning his wounds and turned to your limited medical supplies. You reached for the antiseptic cream.  
“This is gonna sting, ok”  
“it’s fine, I’ve been through worse this evening”  
“I can see that”, you were quiet, focussed on your task, until he let out a pained growl. “I told you”  
“Yeah, yeah, I know”  
“Why do you do this to yourself, Raph?”  
He clearly wasn’t expecting the prying question.  
“Well, technically, the bad guys do this to me”  
“Bull shit, you know what I mean”  
“I… I guess…”he floundered.  
“Forget it, I shouldn’t have asked. Serves me right for trying to learn something about you”  
“No, no, it’s just that… Look I don’t know why I do it, ok. It’s just how I’ve always been. If I feel anything then I deal with it like this. I don’t know any other way”  
“Anything?”  
“Basically. Angry? Beat something up. Sad? Beat something up. Frustrated? Beat something up. Restless? Beat something up”  
“What about happy?”  
“What?”  
“What do you do if you’re happy?”  
He opened his mouth to reply then closed it again. You understood.  
“You’re not happy often enough to know, are you?”  
“I guess not. See this is why people don’t like me, I’m too messed up to get close to”  
“No, don’t say that”  
“It’s true”  
“No. I know how you feel. It’s easier to externalise your feelings that actually deal with them. As long as you’re fighting you’re not thinking, as long as you’re angry you’re not sad. It’s the easiest extreme to express, but it’s also the most damaging”  
He stared at you like you’d just explained the meaning of life to him or something. “I never looked at it like that”  
You smirked. “Of course you didn’t, you’re an idiot”  
There was no malice in the words and he just smiled. “And you’re an arrogant dumbass”  
You finished wrapping a bandage around his final cut. “There, you can crash on my couch if you like, if not let yourself out. I’m going back to bed”  
You started to walk away but he called you back. “Hey, wait”  
“What?”  
“Maybe you’re not quite as bad as I thought you were”  
“Raph, c’mon”, the ‘we’re being genuine for once’ was implied in your tone.  
“Thanks”  
You couldn’t keep the small smile off your lips. “Any time”


	3. The Bit When, Yeah, Ok, Maybe You Don't

Between you not being in the lair a lot and him presumably hiding in his room while his wounds faded and looked a little less alarming, you didn’t see Raphael for over a week. You asked after him, saying that you enjoyed his absence when the others were confused by your enquiry.  
When the two of you did finally cross paths you were both a little slow to pick up on your usual harsh remarks. The boys looked between the two of you in confusion as you both happily ignored each other. It was Leo who finally brought it up.  
“What? No complaints about each other’s body odour? No snappy comments about how you feel ill looking at each other?”  
You and Raph blinked in confusion for a moment, then you finally caught on, jumping in to defend yourself.  
“I’m just ignoring him in hopes the lack of attention will drive him so mad he runs away and is never seen from again”  
You didn’t even sound convincing to yourself.  
“And I was trying to protect myself, even thinking about her makes me queasy, let alone directly addressing her” Raph threw back.  
“I guess your stomach’s as weak as the rest of you, then”, you hopped off the sofa to go and prod at Raph’s arm. “All of this is just show muscle, isn’t it? You can’t actually do anything useful”  
“Depends, I think being able to literally throw you out of here is pretty useful” Raph replied, scooping you over his shoulder before you knew how to react. You kicked and screamed, trying to wriggle away but finding yourself firmly captured.  
“Raph! Raph put me down!”  
“Go on, Raph, put her down” Donnie said, sounding tired of his brother’s antics.  
“Not until little miss cuckoo here admits she was wrong” he growled.  
“Never!” you protested, trying desperately to hold back the giggles that threatened to break through. No, you were not having fun. Definitely not. You did not find this funny at all, and you certainly weren’t enjoying Raph’s arms holding you so securely.  
Absolutely not.  
The redness in your cheeks when he finally did release you was just from rage and yelling; no way was that a blush.

The boys watched the exchange with what was now beyond confusion.  
“What is WITH you two?!” Leo asked.  
“What do you mean?” you both snapped back. The fact you said it at the same time didn’t help your cause.  
“Just… Everything!”  
“You yell and you scream and then you’re fucking playing fighting like you’re best friends or something” Mikey said.  
“Play-fighting?”, Raph seemed appalled by the mere suggestion.  
“Well you weren’t actually fighting. If you were, she’d probably be unconscious within moments and we would have ganged up and beaten you to a pulp. As it is, she’s blushing like a schoolgirl and we’re just bored” Leo said.  
“I am NOT blushing!”  
“No, you’re just naturally red-faced” Donnie countered. You had the good grace not to try and argue that, sensing it would do more harm than good.

 

You didn’t mean to end up pressed against a wall in the lair, Raphael’s hands on your shoulders and his mouth firmly latched onto yours.  
Well.  
It wasn’t exactly an accident, you didn’t trip and suddenly find yourself sucking on his neck like a vampire. There was at least some element of thought about it. You made the conscious decision not to complain when he ambushed you on your way back from the bathroom, and it barely took you a second to kiss him back with something between anger and desperate lust.  
But still, it hadn’t exactly been on your evening’s plan. If it had, you might have been somewhere less publicly used when you finally allowed those calloused hands to slide their way under your top and start kneading your breasts through your bra. You might have made sure you were somewhere less likely to be audible when you sighed out his name, only to laugh when he cursed at his inability to undo the clasp.  
If it had been in your plans then you would have made sure you were somewhere you wouldn’t get caught by Mikey.  
“Guys! What the hell?!”  
You both froze, your legs wrapped around him and his hands still tugging at your top.  
“Fuck” he murmured into your neck. You slowly unwound your legs from him, planting your feet back on the ground. You stepped away, desperately trying to right your clothes.  
“Mikey, look, it’s not-”  
“Of course it’s what it looks like!” Mikey squeaked.  
“It’s really not” Raph growled.  
“If you breathe a word of this to the others I swear to god I’ll make your life a living hell”, your voice was as dangerous as you could make it.  
“You want me NOT to tell them how I saw you literally climbing Raph like a tree?”  
“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll never say anything ever again”, Raph took a step towards his little brother.  
“You were taking her bra off!”  
“Shut up, Mikey!” you screeched, desperately hoping the others couldn’t hear.  
“I knew it! I said, didn’t I?! I knew it!”  
Raph reached out for Mikey but the excited ninja dodged effortlessly, sprinting away.  
“Shit! Stop him. Raph, stop him!”, you both started off after Mikey. But you didn’t stand a chance, he was already with the others, you could hear him blurting out everything he’d seen when you stumbled in.  
They turned to stare at you in some strange combination of disbelief, horror and amusement.  
“It’s not what he’s saying it is!” you said.  
“He’s jumping to conclusions” Raph added.  
“I know what I saw!”  
“What the hell, guys?” Donnie asked.  
“All this time you’re been making our lives miserable with all your bickering and feeling like we have to choose between you, and now you’re, what? Dating?”  
“We are NOT dating”, you were quick to shut one down.  
“What then? Fucking?”  
“Absolutely not”, Raph answered this time.  
“Then I repeat my earlier question of what the hell?!” Donnie asked.  
“I dunno, it’s just-”  
“It’s none of your business, that’s what it is”, you moved in before Raph said anything you both might regret.  
“After all the fuss you’ve made about not liking each other I think we deserve some form of explanation”  
“We don’t like each other” Raph said.  
“You were making out against the wall!”, Mikey’s voice was shrill.  
“Mikey said your hands were in her bra!”  
“That doesn’t mean I like her!”  
“Would you two just stop it!”, Leo sounded genuinely annoyed now, “this is so childish”  
“I’m just gonna go home” you muttered, grabbing your jacket from the sofa and making straight for the exit. They called your name, telling you not to go. Everyone except Raph, who took the opportunity to make his own escape.

 

“Are we gonna talk about it?”  
“About what, Leo?”  
“About you and Raph”  
“What about us? Look, I know you don’t like that we don’t get on, but that’s just how it is”  
“Oh, I see, we’re pretending you weren’t caught sucking my brother’s face off”  
“What? Ewww, I would never”  
“This is childish”  
He was right, it was childish. It was beyond childish.  
But how else were you supposed to deal with this? You didn’t know what was happening between you and Raph and you absolutely didn’t want to figure it out right now. Was it too much to ask to just go back to everyone pretending it was all fine and there was nothing going on behind the scenes?  
Not that anything would be going on behind the scenes anymore.  
Not that anything really was going on behind the scenes before.  
Jeeze, it was just a few furious kisses, it wasn’t an ‘anything’ in the first place. It was a horribly destructive nothing.  
And you were going to miss it more than you could bare to admit.

 

You stubbornly ignored that anything had happened and that the anything had been discovered, and you pretended not to know the others were talking about you behind your back.  
And then you showed up with Raph’s favourite pizza.  
Thank fuck he was alone when you did.  
You slipped in without a word, tossing the pizza down on the sofa and picking up a game controller. In the corner, Raph put down his weights, your name slipping from his lips. “What are you doing? The others ain’t here, y’know”  
“I know”, you flipped open the pizza box, taking out a slice and shoving as much of it as you could in your mouth.  
“Is that-?”  
“Mhmm”  
“Can I-?”  
You swallowed your enormous bite. “I suppose”  
He leapt over the back of the sofa, diving on the pizza. Without a word, you handed him the other controller, Mario Kart already loaded up. You shot him a grin.  
“Bet I can beat you”  
He grinned back.  
“You wish”

 

“Ok that’s it, I give up”, Leo threw his hands in the air as he happened across the two of you playing together. “You hate each other, you’re doing whatever you were doing, you’re not talking, now you’re playing video games and eating pizza! I’m done! I just can’t with you two. Enjoy your date, or whatever the fuck is going on here”  
And then he was gone again, a few muttered curses echoing behind him. You looked at Raph for a moment, trying to work out if you were going to start yelling at each other, trying to work out if you were going to go back to how things were before.  
Raph stared back.  
There was silence.  
You smiled. He smiled back.  
“God I hate you” you murmured. His hand went around your waist, pulling you against him.  
His face was close as his eyes latched onto yours.  
“Trust me, the feeling is mutual”  
His lips met yours.  
Ok, yeah, maybe you didn’t hate him that much after all.

 

 

Donnie tried to complain when he came in and saw Raph with his arm around you, but the complete lack of reaction either of you seemed willing to give stopped him. He gaped for a minute, noises came out of his mouth but none of them seemed to be actual words. You both blinked at him in a very obvious ‘don’t even try it’ look.  
He closed his mouth.  
He opened it again.  
He closed it.  
He gave up and sat down, dejectedly asking what you were watching.

 

“Ok, it’s been, like, 3 months or something. Can I finally ask what’s going on between you and your maybe girlfriend who you still maintain you hate even though she spends every evening in your arms?”  
Raph turned slowly to look at Leo. “If you need to ask there’s no point in explaining”  
“That’s a bullshit answer if ever I heard one” Leo shot back, “now come on, are you actually gonna talk about her like she’s your girlfriend?”  
“Why would I do that? She’s not my girlfriend”  
Leo felt a hell of a lot of curse words building in his throat before his brother continued.  
“She’s so much more than that”  
That was not an answer Leo had expected.  
“What do you mean? You saying you don’t actually hate her?”  
“Of course, I hate her!”  
The swear words built up again and the first sounds began to escape Leo’s mouth before Raph continued this time.  
“She’s ridiculous. She’s always bloody around”  
“Because you invite her!”  
“Yeah, because I can’t keep away from her. I don’t ever wanna go a day when I don’t see her, she’s all I can think about. She makes me laugh when I’m tryin’ to be serious, she makes me melt when I’m desperate to keep it all together, she makes me go soft when I wanna be strong. She turns everything I am on its head without even bloody tryin’ most of the time. I hate that she’s all I can think about, I hate that she’s got me wrapped around her little finger. I hate her”  
The entire time Raph had kept his voice casual as anything, like this sudden outpouring of revelations wasn’t possibly the most extraordinary thing he’d ever said.  
Leo just sort of blinked, unable to reply, too busy processing it all. He was still trying to process it when you bounced into the lair, pulling your headphones off and leaning over the back of the sofa, wrapping your arms around Raph from behind and giving him a kiss to the side of his face.  
Leo watched as his brother leant into the touch then growled when you took it away sooner than he wanted.  
“I hate you so much” he muttered.  
“Not half as much as I hate you” you said back, no malice at all in your voice, a smile on your lips.  
Then it all clicked in place and suddenly he understood.  
Everything Raph had said was true. You really did hate each other. The two of you made each other vulnerable, you made each other weak, and it scared you both.  
So, when you muttered to each other those words that had so confused Raph’s brothers for so long you were saying another thing entirely.  
‘I hate you’ meant quite the opposite.  
The strange, twisted, opposite manner of your relationship meant that ‘I hate you’ meant ‘I love you.’


End file.
